004 - 3D Turtles on the Big Screen! Bay Power!!!

Tada-dada-daa-daa!

Yup, today is 22nd of august and the first day the new Teenage Mutant Bay Turtles were shown in the country I live. ...naturally I went and saw it. ...in THREE DEE!! Okay, let me defend myself that the 2D show was on when I couldn't see it and I just needed to see this asap, so 3D it is then. Besides, this was the first movie I've ever seen in 3D so I was kinda excited too. And yyyyyyyeeeah I can see why people aren't that interested in 3D movies, but...Maybe because it was my first 3D experience or something, but I think it was fine with this movie.

Anyway...I wanted to "tell my own thoughts about the movie for the whole world" or atleast few of ya people out there ho have followed me. (btw, thanks for that. :3)

Naturally; there will be spoilers, so if you haven't seen the movie... I suggest you either won't read this or skip straight to the final analysis for my thought in a nutshell. ...see what I did there? ...shell. ...Because they are turtles. ...hhhhh... ...I need a girlfriend...

...Anyway...Let me start with saying I think my childhood wasn't raped at all. I know some of you might instantly go like "dudeWHAAAT?!" but...I honestly think this isn't as bad some people make it out to be. I confess if I would gone see it and hope for something good I'd be...well not hating it, but i'd be dissapointed with it. I, however, went to see it in a mindset fully aware that I'm gonna see Michael Bay Turtles. ...Let's stop for a moment there. Even though I'm a fan and I love TMNT I can confess the concept and idea of them is just ridiculous. I mean c'mon... Mutant turtles that are ninjas, named after renessance painters, learned their skills from a mutated rat, fight against other ninjas and their leader who dresses in a samurai suit full of razor sharp blades? ...Granted a mand dressed as a bat fighting penguin mans and clowns isn't an easy stunt to pull of either, but imo TMNT always had it way harder.
Now let's look at good ol' Michael Bay, the man you can just sum up in two words; 'slowmotion' and 'BOOOM!' ...Now both of these considered... did you SERIOUSLY think you would have seen the next Dark Knight? I didn't. And thanks for that the movie managed to surprise me and get me. And I'm glad with that.

Let me start with things I DIDN'T like about in the movie and end this "review" with positive notes.
Okay, here we go.

I confess when the movie began I was instantly shaking my head thinking; "whoooboy, it's gonna suck hard, isn't it?" when I heard Splinters speech in the intro. And this is because the cause he trains the Turtles for. He says that he is prepairng them to someday come out of the sewers and save the city and be it's guardian myths. ...And that's one thing I don't like certain version of the TMNT franchise in general. That they are presented as heroes born to save the city and world. No. Let's think about it for a minute here now... The -87 cartoon certainly made them these heroes, heck the show was later called as Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles, but that wasn't how it was meant to be originally and I guess jsut the -80's is the reason for that, since the time of darker heroes and vigilanties was just coming. In the new Nickelodeon and the 2003 serie (the one closest to comics so far imo) they never trained to be heroes, but their paths just lead them to stand against Shredder one way or another. In the new Nick show they meet April, decide to help her and Shredder learns about them and comes after them. He causes havoc and turtles, while no heroes, decide to do the 'right' thing and stop his plans again and again because it would be trouble for them and their allies too. Same with the 2003 show. They go against foot because they get mixed up with them and so it becomes partly personal. They could join Shredder, sure, but that's where their morale comes in. But still they weren't full heroes, just a vigilanties more like. If there'd be more villains then Shredder in their universe, Joker for example, would they really care to just go against him or rather leave him be because there's a giant bat after th clown anyway?
And speaking of the 2003 serie, let's talk about the comics. The reason Splinter trains them is REVENGE. To KILL Shredder who killed Hamato Yoshi. They're trained to be ASSASSINS. ...See what I'm going for here? As the comics progress they end up taking Shredder down and saving the city along that, but it was never the their duty. More like personal affair and for their own safety.
But in this movie their trained specifically to save the city. And I know it's not that big deal, especially since that is "destiny" is pretty much replaced to "just keep hiding" cause soon, but... Yeah, for the wery first lines it just pissed me bit off.
Like Donnie said in the original comics issue 19: "We're not the guardians of the society, Raphael... We never were."

I guess this is no brainer, but the new Foot Clan... eh... I guess it's more modernlike to make them all troopers and give them guns, but I would have preferred the ninjas over that... The fight scnes would have been more interesting that way too, since the Turtles themself flip over and over, even Shredder does, so seeing more of that would have been just... Something to wish for. And the way they look... ehh... Again; I get why they made them troopers, but... They're far too generic and boring.
Speaking of how characters look, I have no problem how the Turtles look. Oh yes I said that. Yeah, sure, when the first images were shown it was... meeeh... and that's mainly because they needed a mout with lips. As the time passed by, I love the designs more and more! Great aplauds and thumbs up for the designers here to actually have the guts and balls to make them like this. And besides, THEY ARE MUTATED TURTLES... How hot you think they could possibly be?! At the moments the only place I have some "eh..." -ing with them is their noses. And mainly only from Mikeys part. Leo, and Donny I have no problem how they look since they do have more of a turtle peak then is shown in some images, and while Raph has literally no peak at all it kinda suits him imo and he looks badass. But Mikeys nose is just... ugly. But honestly (and I know I'll get stoned for this...) I prefer these over the 87 cartoon like ones. Now now, the reason for that is that... they... always looked... more like toads to me. I know it sounds odd, but in my opinnion their faces were too round... These movie looks don't have exactly the 1 on 1 look either but some sea turtles don't really have that big peak anyway. What they'd need would be bigger upper lip, sure, but these aren't as bad as people make them to be. THERE, I SAID IT!!
But the two looks I didn't really like in the movie.... Shredder and Splinter. I think Doug Walker said it perfectly when he said the new Shredder looks like a Transformer. I guess I understand what they were going for, but...yeah... If Shredder would have changed to Megatron from BayFormers for a while I wouldn't have noticed. Hopefully they redo his armor on next movie and make it look more samurai like. Then we have the Shredder.
And lastly the Splinter... Whooboy... He looks just... ugly as hell... xD And that's a major dissapointment, since I think this movie finally had a great Splinter. He was shown as a strict sensei, but also a caring father for Turtles. ...Okey, that part is nothing new, sure, but I actually felt something when he locks the Turtles outside the lair to keep them safe for Shredder, whic leaves him alone with Shredder. And then the Turtles still come back in to save their sensei and father only to get captured. That was seriously one of the emotionally best scenes in the movie, alongside the one where Raphael comes back and sees the lair destructed and Splinter nearly dead. I was actually scared they might go as far and kill Splinter in this one, but once Raph leaves him behind it was pretty much guaranteed way to say; "relax, he is safe for now." Also, this Splinter kicks ass! I just love how he fights in this one, using his tail to hold one foot soldier while beating up another. He moves like a rat against Shredder and pretty much kicks his ass until the plot decides it's time for him to lose now. And this isn't the Splinter we've seen that often. Yes, we've seen him fight in the 2003 cartoon, somewhat fight in the -87 cartoon andas far as the movies go... In the 2007 movie he was just there too, but...honestly, I still can't believe how the giht against that many foot soldiers was that boring... And what did he do in the first live acton film? ...flip Shredder of the roof. ...yeah.... woosh... (he is cool in the new Nick series though.)
This is definitely one of the better Splinters and that's why it's so painfull that every time I see him and his all black eyes I either try not to crack up or think how ugly he looks like. Even for a rat.

Another thing I don't like is the action in the movie. No, let me be more specific, the action in this movie is great. Really. It's just the very final fight between the Turtles and the Shredder I have problems with. For a final fight the fight between Turtles and Shredder is kinda... lame. Especially since te previous action scene, the one they slide down the snowy hill, is just so SO MUCH more impressive and better and interesting and all the stunts are cool and... seriously, I was on the edge of the seat during that one.

Also something about the characters... No real fight with or against Karai even though she's in the movie. She's literally there just so you can be like; "Oh Karai's in this, huh?" She doesn't do anything in this one other than get her ass kicked and just... well, just be there. And...What's the reason for Vern(on) to even be in this movie? Other than to drive April to places he serves really no purpose. And what about Erich Sachs? Sure, the plot needed some scientists, but... he is just like what Karai should be. The apperentice of Shredder... and speaking of him and Shredder their plot is ... eäääähhmmm... So many have said this is like The Amazing Spiderman or how Sechs IS frigging rich already and....they are right. If Shredders plan would have just been take over the city by force with Foot Soldiers I would have been fine. That way Karai would have had bigger role too probably and... hhhhh... Whatever happened to good ol' "let's conquer THE WORLD!!" ...?

Lastly, I think the movie could use another 30 mins. I know it's an action movie, but it feels rushed at times and I think we could use some time showing character progress and how everyone bonds together or revealing their backstory more or something, you know, that would open the TMNT lore for possible newcomers of the franchise. Their gonna be left out badly.

Out of the blue I don't really recall anything else negative, or THAT negative from the movie, so let's move on.
I've already mentioned some good stuff about the movie in the negative comments and I won't repeat them again, but let's see what else I liked about the movie.

The Turtles themself in this are great. And I'm not talking about how they look, but their personalities. They make a lot funny jokes and honestly every time they were on screen I was like little kid again. There aren't really many scenes where you can fully get their brother connection (again the famous elevator scene deserves that praise) but let's face it... Most of us, the fans of TMNT, know their connections and thus we can somewhat pass that. When they make inside jokes we can understand them since we're seen their connection before. I think the point where this is best seen is near the end where they try to figure out how to take out the Shredder and Raph is like "No! Let's listen to Leo!" and then Raph and Leo bump fists showing they've found how to respect each others finally. There's a scene like that in every TMNT thing these days, like how Raph gives Leos swords back to him in 2007 version and tells him to lead them out and leo says he needs him too etc. ...But there's really nothing indicating they had any problems in this film. In the beginning Raph tells he'll leave the group and go solo and later when Foot invades their lair he yells at Leo saying he is sick hearing him tellim him what to do, but those are really just glanced over and hardly qualify for something that needs to or is resolved in the end. There's even a scene in the end where they think they're gonna fall to their death and everyone makes a confession, Raphs being that he didn't really mean to anythnig he ever said and actually loves is bros. We all know that and it should be clear anyway since just some time ago he came risking his life to save his brothers who got captured. But then again I think that confession was added more as a joke, since it ends Raph still confessing while they've hit the ground long ago and are unharmed. Heck, there's even a cd scratch sound so...yeah. Sure, these are movies flaws but at least a flaw that we can live by, but like I previously said; possible newcomers are gonna get either lost or confused since they don't know the backstories or TMNT lore.

All the references in this. And oh my god there's lot of them. We get the Turtle van cameo in the very end of the movie (and when it honks it plays the 'heroes in the half shells, turtle power', there's a reference where Vern(on) says "so...they're aliens?" where April answers "No... That would be stupid..." referring the big shitstorm about the movie that began when Bay said Turtles would have an alien origin, which was the rescripted. The book Splinter and Turtles learn ninjutsu is written by Eastman and Laird, one part Shredder says; "tonight I'll dine on Turtle soup" which is reference to an -87 tv show episode and a line from one TMNT game, and many, many, many, many more. Trust me, if you keep your eyes open you're gonna have an easteregg fest. And I had nothing against that.

Like I said, the humor in this is just great. There's a wery cliched scene where Turtles run straight into an army of Foot Soldiers and everyone just keep standing and looking at eachothers and Rpah and Mikey slowly wave to them and then they come yelling and running after them... We've seen that so many times so why is it still so funny? Another moment is when April rescues Turtles out from the lab experiment.... things... I don't know what they're called, but the thing is they are trapped there and the machine is pumping their blood off. She then gives them adrenaline which results them all, Mikey, leo and Don getting an overdose and they just start running and yelling full of adrenaline. You know, same thing that happens when you drink too much energy drinks or somethign. You're just bursting with energy. There's also a scene where Vern(on) (I'm sorry I just can't spell his name as Vern... xD) is cooking breakfast and he is listening to Careless Whisper from George Michael... That alone gived me such a laugh. Mikey makes some great lines too, though some of them are more annoying than funny, but yeah they play him right in my opinnion. The first of these is in the beginning where Donny, Raph and Leo are monitoring the movements of Foot Clan in City and Mikey is watchng the Keyboard cat playing...WITH CHOPSTICKS!! Even Splinter makes funny scenes, while not telling the jokes himself. There's a scene where Mikey is standing on a chair with his hands and he's like "Ha! I'm in the zone! I'm UNBREAKABLE!" and then Splinter brings a pizza with 99 different cheeses right before him and Mikey is immediately "...Starting to crack...!!" Trust me, while the humor isn't, like, BWAHAHAHAHA funny, you will still get at least a grin or two.

There's also a scene with Megan Fox's ass. That's always a good thing, right? ...Yeeeeah haters gonna hate, but I'm not really Megan Fox's fan. I know she's hot and everything but.. eh... never really liked her that much. But I think she does ok in this movie. Not like; "whau'vee!! My new favorite actress!!" -kinda job, but not bad either. And that's allways positive. Good job Meg, I thereby apologise I nearly cut my wrist when I heard ya'd play April. Continue to surprise me in da future too. (...she can see this, right? xD)

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Closing words
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Whoooooooboy, my head is empty. Summa summarum, this isn't the TMNT movie we wished or waited to see. BUT... there clearly is potential for the next movie to be maybe even on Batman Begins level (I'm not optimistic enough to ever believe we'll get our Dark Knight TMNT movie) but it is gonna need some work.
I really hope they listen to the fans and newcomers alike when making the sequel. Personally I'd wish the movie would be longer and have those slow moments in too when we can breath after all that action and let the characters grow.
It's not a bad movie, but... How to put it nicely... Well, it's as good as a movie of four mutated turtles that learned ninjitsu from a rat and fighting against a tin man can be. At least for the moment.
I however am definitely waiting for 2016's sequel.  For the movie I had no hope for at all to managing me get excited and be a little kid again... that's an achivement.

Thank you all, Zin Zin laters...
How did you like the movie?


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| EDIT: |
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Okay, so time has passed and I've seen the movie now total of five times. Twice alone in 3D, twice alone in 2D for comparison and one 3D time with my mother. ...Yeeees you read that one correctly, I actually bought a ticket for my mother too since I wanted to hear an opinnion of the movie from someone who... hmmm... Isn't that knowledged with TMNT lore.
...I just made a mistake for going with her on 3D show since it was her first 3D movie ever so she kept most interested of how the 3D look and differs so... yeah, small mistake I made, but worth it!! xD
And how did she like the movie? She isn't exactly the most... review like person, but she liked it okay. I asked her some things, like how the first third of the movie was slow and dull but really got you once it had a chance to get going. She agreed with that, but just like me the first time, couldn't get her eyes of the screen once the snowhill scene played.
And she also agreed with me on the note that the movie didn't really inform much of the lore to newer audience. She knows that much that Raph and Leo always fight, never why and many other stuff I had to explain her later.

But...yeah. Does this mean the movie is bad or am I gonna stick with my previous "it's okay" -opinnion? Well.... I am. Still not a masterpiece, and it's really stupid but by god it is so entertaining. And that is exactly what I could ever ask from TMNT movie.
Besides, it kept the interest of nearly 60 years old woman on itself so she didn't look at her watch to see when the movies gonna finally end... And that's NEVER happened when I've gone to movies with hger, nowdays or while I was still a kid.
And that, my friends, I think says it all. Well played.